What your partner really wants for Valentine’s Day!

All you need is love

But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.

Charles M. Schulz

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Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. So what does your partner really want? Love is a great thing and coupled with chocolate, it is even better. Gift giving on holidays is usually appreciated by your partner but today we are going to dig a little deeper and talk about what men and women really want, not just on special occasions. I know buying a box of chocolate or some roses is easy and you only have to do it one day a year. In order to create and maintain that Unstoppable Relationship, it takes a little more consistent effort.

For him:

  • He wants intimacy and passion! This is a great Valentine’s Day gift but he really wants this from you on a regular basis. Now I am not saying you have to plan a sexy, romantic evening every night. That is not realistic but you can flirt with him on a regular basis. You can show him and tell him how attracted you are to him. You can make sure you add some form of intimacy and touch to your daily life.
  • He wants you to appreciate him. For Valentine’s Day you could write him a note telling him how much you appreciate all he does for you and the family. This acknowledgment will mean a great deal to him. Then make it a point to let him know what you appreciate on a regular basis. I write often about how small things make a big difference in a relationship and this is one of the most important ones. Men really need to feel successful in their relationship with you.
  • Accept him for who he is! Let your guy know that you love and support him for who he is, not who you would like him to be. Give him the gift of unconditional love. He wants to feel safe being himself around you. Tell him how much you love him and what you like about him. What makes him special? You want to be his biggest fan! What a great gift to give the person you love.

For Her:

  • Make her a priority. For Valentine’s Day, plan something special for the two of you. She wants and needs your attention, but not just on Valentine’s Day. She needs to know that she is a priority in your life. That you love her and would still choose her to be your partner. Spend quality time together on a regular basis and take the lead in planning some of these times together.
  • Listen to her. Give her your undivided attention. This means turning off the TV and putting away the cell phone and really taking an interest in her life. On Valentine’s Day, spend some time together and learn something about her that you didn’t already know? Then continue to do this throughout the year. When she feels heard she will know you care and will feel closer to you.
  • Kiss her like you love her! We talked about men wanting sex for Valentine’s Day but women need intimacy from you. Kiss her like you love her, not just want her. For women, intimacy starts in the heart. Give her more physical touch. Hold her hand, snuggle with her, kiss her, and flirt with her, when you are not headed to the bedroom. Go back to dating her. She will love the attention. Intimacy is more than just physical touch; it includes sharing thoughts, feelings, and secrets. It is emotional as well as physical. All this will help her feel loved and wanted, which will lead to a closer bond and ultimately more interest in sex.

I hope you this article gave you an idea or two of how to show your partner you love them on Valentine’s Day and every day.

I would love to hear your ideas. What are you planning for Valentine’s Day? What has your partner done in the past that you would like to share? Leave your comments below.

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Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS

Certified Relationship Specialist

www.lorianndavis.com

704-999-1781

The Gift of Forgiveness

canstockphoto23926208We know we should forgive; we are taught this from early childhood. We are taught that we should forgive, but we are not necessarily taught how or why to forgive.

Forgiveness is one of the most important components of positive, ongoing relationships. Relationships are where we learn most of life’s lessons and where we have the opportunity to grow as individuals. Past hurts can negatively affect our current relationships and our future relationships if not dealt with appropriately.

“If we really want to love we must learn to forgive.” Mother Theresa

Getting hurt in relationships is something we all have to deal with in our lives. It is inevitable that someone will do something to us that hurts or upsets us. We are all different individuals who think and act differently. Sometimes we hurt each other unintentionally just because of these differences. We can get hurt by big issues or small things that add up to feel big over time. Some things are easier to forgive than others, and it is easier sometimes to forgive a stranger or acquaintance than the ones closest to us. It takes a strong person to forgive.

Forgiveness means you stop feeling anger toward the other person or a specific act. It is a shift in thinking about someone. It does not mean you forget what happened, condone or excuse the action, or that you necessarily reconcile with that person. A lot depends on the action and your relationship with that person.

Forgiveness is complex. We forgive not necessarily for the other person but for ourselves. Holding on to the past hurts us. It hurts our presents and our future. Staying angry and hurt allows the situation that caused the pain to re-live itself over and over. We end up carrying the pain around, and it affects our future thoughts, beliefs and feelings. I talk to clients regularly who are carrying around pain from their past and cannot move forward because of it. This pain can come from childhood or from a past relationship with a partner. The past event or events colors all their future relationships, even the relationship with themselves.

No one is perfect, not us, our children, our spouse, our partner, our friends, or our co-workers. If you interact with anyone on a regular basis, the need for forgiveness will come up. It is important to become aware of your emotional pain as the first step in healing. Remember, the decision is yours to carry the pain around or release it and move forward. I am not suggesting this is always easy to do, but it does get easier with practice. I suggest you start with small offenses first and get into the habit of understanding we are all human and make mistakes. Focus on the long-term goal of the relationship and be open to moving beyond pain to forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. It releases you from past situations that caused you pain. Forgiveness is also a gift you give the other person. My daughter reminded me of this recently. She apologized for something she did, and I forgave her. A week later she thanked me for this act. She reminded me how much it means when we can find a way to forgive each other and move forward in our relationships. This means we need to be equally open to apologizing when we need to and forgiving when it is appropriate.

For more information on relationships, order my book: Unmasking Secrets to Unstoppable Relationships: How to Find, Keep or Renew Love and Passion in Your Life.

Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS

Certified Relationship Specialist

www.lorianndavis.com

Get the Love You Want and Become Irresistible to Him

Originally posted on Readers Rejoice:
Get the Love You Want and Become Irresistible to Him   Remember when you were first together, and he couldn’t get enough of you? Remember how good it felt to know he wanted only you and was in love with you? The beginning of a relationship is wonderful with all…

Unmasking Secrets to Unstoppable Relationships

Source: Unmasking Secrets to Unstoppable Relationships

Top 5 Relationship Resolutions to Make Love Last

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The New Year is here and people everywhere are making those resolutions.  The New Year’s Eve kiss is symbolic of the connection we share and our commitment to one another and our relationship.  Sadly though, most resolutions are broken almost as soon as they are made. So this year, I suggest you make a New Year’s Commitment to your relationship.  Here are some tips to growing and strengthening that bond between the two of you.

  1. Say Thank You

Compliment and praise your partner.  Be appreciative and say thank you for all the things they do for you.  When was the last time you acknowledged all your partner does for the relationship? We get in the habit sometimes of telling them what they do wrong but how often do you tell them all they are doing right? Your partner will feel appreciated and you will find that by paying attention to these things, you appreciate your partner more!

  1. Have More Fun

Laugh more and be playful with your partner. Put fun on your calendar for this year. Make it a priority to spend time together enjoying life and each other. Find things to do together and maybe try some new things you might enjoy. Get in the habit of sending flirty messages to your partner. Having fun together strengthens your connection.

  1. Be More Affectionate

Hug and kiss more, holds hands or give a back rub. Make sure you give your partner a good night kiss every night. How about starting you day with a kiss? But not just a peck on the cheek, make it a longer kiss that really shows how you feel. Get those hormones started first thing in the morning so your partner is on your mind all day long. Find opportunities and ways to increase your show of physical affection and watch the sparks fly this New Year!

  1. Work on Communication 

Improve your communication skills.  Work on really listening and hearing what your partner has to say.  Show interest in their day and the things that are important to them. Talk less and listen more.  Show your partner you understand them.  Encourage them instead of criticizing them. This will go a long way in improving your relationship. We all want to feel heard, understood and supported by the one we love.

  1. Be Kind

Practice random acts of kindness.  Find small things you can do for your partner on a daily basis.  For no reason at all except you love and appreciate your partner, do something nice as a surprise. Maybe bring home a movie they like, make a favorite dinner or go out to dinner, or bring your partner a small gift. These seemingly small things done over and over again make a big difference in our relationships.

 

This is just a small list and I am sure you can come up with more of your own.  Feel free to share your ideas and how they are working for you.  Create an Unstoppable Relationship this coming year.

For more ideas I have written a book, Unmasking Secrets to Unstoppable Relationships: How to Find, Keep and Renew Love and Passion in Your Life.

Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS

Certified Relationship Specialist, author, speaker

http://www.lorianndavis.com

Top 5 New Year’s Resolutions to Find Love in the New Year

Are you wondering if you will ever find love in your life?

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Last year is gone and another year is just beginning and you are still single. Are you wondering if this will be the year you finally find that special someone? Are you wondering if you will ever find love?

This can be the year you attract and keep your ideal partner! It probably means doing something different than you have been doing. What do you need to change in the coming year in order to find love in 2016?

  1. Get Out There

You aren’t going to find that special someone if you keep doing the same things you have been doing. It is time to try something new. It is time to expand your horizons and meet more new people. Try something new to get out of your comfort zone.  Join a new group, sign up for online dating; add something to your routine that will allow you to meet more singles.

  1. Let Go of the Past

Vow to put the past behind you today.   I know you haven’t’ been successful yet in finding the right one but all your past experiences have led you to where you are today. Don’t dwell on past failures but see them as learning experiences and opportunities for growth. What do you need to let go of in order to move forward? If you are struggling in this area, this year is the time to get some help. A relationship coach can help you put the past in the past and learn what you need in order to move forward.

  1. Be Honest

Be honest about what you really want from a relationship.  Come up with a list of your top “must haves” in a relationship. If you have an extensive list, it is time to narrow that list down to no more than 10 essential qualities you are looking for in a relationship. Remember to stick to relationship essentials. The more details you add to that list, the harder it is to find that person.  You might just miss an ideal partner.

 

  1. Give people a chance

Don’t be too quick to judge. This allows you to meet potential partners you might have overlooked before. Many couples say they are with someone they never thought they would end up with. Yet this person turned out to be the perfect partner. Get to know the person inside before you decide he/she isn’t the right one. Never settle for someone who doesn’t meet your relationship requirements but don’t judge people too soon. It might take a little longer to see the true potential of a person.

  1. Be the Person You Want to Attract

Make a commitment today to be the kind of person you want to attract.  Act as if he/she is already in your life.  This is the fastest way to find your ideal partner. Being single is a great opportunity to look in the mirror and see what qualities you love about yourself and what improvements you might want to make. Do you have any beliefs about dating or relationships that are keeping you stuck? Are there areas of your life that need improving? This is the perfect time to work on yourself. Create a life as a single that you are happy with and while you are busy being happy, the right person just might show up to join you.

If you would like some help attracting your ideal partner, contact me about my Successful Singles class. It might be just what you need to make this the year you find that special someone.

Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS

http://www.lorianndavis.com

How to Reconnect with your Partner

 

How to Reconnect with your partner after the busy holiday season!

 

canstockphoto16643076After spending so much time over the holidays doing for others –

You know, all the children’s activities, spending time with the relatives, cooking, shopping, and cleaning.  The holidays can be a whirlwind of activity. Now that things are settling down, it is time to think about reconnecting with your partner. It is time to give them some of your undivided attention and put that spark back into your relationship.  What a great way to start the New Year!

Here are my top 5 ideas:

  • Make a list of all the things you love about your partner. The qualities that are unique to him/her.  For example: the way you laugh at my jokes, even when they aren’t that funny!  The way your face lights up when you see me. I love the way you smell…. You get the idea.  Now it is time to share your list.  You can plan a night out and share over dinner; you could plan a romantic night in and share your list over candles and music.  The other option is to share your list one at a time, maybe sending them in a text, one a day. You could use post-it notes and leave one a day on the bathroom mirror.  How you deliver the message isn’t as important as the feeling you get when you do so.  You and your partner will feel “in love” again when you focus on all the positives.  Think how special he/she will feel.
  • Set aside some time just for your partner. You have spent so much time giving to others over the holidays, now it is time for your relationship.  Tell your partner that you are all theirs to do whatever they want. Let them know that you appreciate all they do for you and this is your gift in return, your undivided attention!  You can decide if this is for a whole day, half a day, or one evening.   You can even write a handwritten invitation that you give them ahead of time.
  • Recreate your first date or a special date that means a lot to the two of you.  If this is impossible then plan a romantic date and spend time remembering that first date and all the other special times you have had together.
  • For the next week, send a text your partner randomly throughout the day telling him/her how much you love them, how much they mean to you, or that you are thinking of them.  Send flirty, playful texts, or share an inside joke, anything that will let them know how important they are to you and that you are thinking of them.  This is a great way to reconnect with your partner and I recommend doing it on a regular basis.
  • Give him/her the gift of you; yes, I am talking about sex.  Physical intimacy is essential to a good relationship and is one of the best ways to tell your partner you love them. The connection you share during lovemaking is unlike any other bond.   Start with an extra hug and kiss in the morning, tell them how nice they look, send hints throughout the day, build up the anticipation.  Then enjoy reconnecting!

I hope you find these ideas helpful and they get you started thinking about some of your own.

Enjoy Reconnecting

 

Lori Ann Davis, MA

Relationship Specialist

http://www.lorianndavis.com

 

 

 

Creating with Intent

canstockphoto26114638This is the time of year where we look back and take stock of our lives. We analyze the past year and look forward to the New Year ahead. What are you happy with, and what do you want to change in the coming year? This is a great time of year to begin creating with intent, or to refine it if you already are doing so. What do you want to attract into your life in this coming year? Some people make a list of resolutions that they may or may not act on; others just sleep walk through life. They deal with whatever comes along the best they can, never really giving any thought to creating a life they desire. This can be the year you decide to do something different; the choice is yours. You have the ability to create your life in so many areas: relationships, health, career, wealth, friendship, your feelings and much more. You have the power to create your life using your body, mind, and soul.

The first step in creating with intent is to go one step further than just writing down your goals. So many people make lists and never do anything with them. I want you to take some time and envision the life you want to create for yourself. Include all the areas you want to make changes. Use all of your senses in this creation, but most importantly, include how you will feel when you accomplish these goals. Details and end results that can be measured are good, but our desire to feel a certain way is what truly fuels our creative power. The feelings are why we want all the things on our list.  As you are making the list and including how you will feel, go back and make sure the goal and the feeling really match. Will achieving this goal really lead to that feeling? Will making $25,000 more a year bring you that feeling of peace, accomplishment, or happiness you want in your life? Will loosing 10 lbs. make you happy with yourself? You get the idea. You may find that you need to adjust your goals.

Sometimes we need to let go of something in order to create with intent. What is holding you back? Is it fear, the dreaded “should’s,” or are you stuck in the past and not letting go? What do you need to let go of from this past year in order to create the life you desire?  Who do you need to forgive? This is a good writing exercise. Make a list of the thoughts and feelings that you are holding onto that no longer serve you well. What do you get from holding on, and is it worth it to let go in order to move forward? What do you need to bless and release for the New Year? Sharing this with someone and even creating a ritual to release it can be helpful.

Now that you have your list of what to release, what to create, and why you want to create it, it is time for actions. When you pair your thoughts, words, and feelings with actions, you are creating with intent. You are no longer just watching life pass you by and doing the best to stay afloat. You are taking an active role in what the coming year will look like and most importantly will feel like!

Happy creating, and as always, let me know if I can be of any help to you in this process. I would love to know what you are creating for the coming year.  Feel free to share your goals below.

Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS

Certified Relationship Specialist

www.lorianndavis.com

Life Isn’t a Hallmark Movie

canstockphoto0900856This time of year, women especially, find themselves drawn to the Hallmark Channel. There are great romantic holiday movies that we love to watch and even look forward to seeing every year. Besides, it is cold outside and curling up on the couch in front of the fireplace drinking hot chocolate and watching a love story is a really good way to spend an afternoon or evening. Even though these movies are fun to watch, I do sometimes worry about the effect they have on our expectations for our lives and our relationships. Have you ever found yourself wondering, “Why can’t my life be more like a Hallmark movie?”

We relate to the people in the movies, especially if we are unhappy in our lives. If we are not in the right relationship, we aren’t in a relationship at all, we don’t like our job, we are estranged from our families ….you get the point. In general, the people in these movies start out pretty miserable. Then they meet the right person who makes everything perfect. They ride off into the sunset, and we assume they live happily ever after.

Just for the record, I am all for watching love and romance on TV. It is fun. The problem begins when we get so caught up in these movies that we forget that life isn’t a Hallmark movie. Falling in love doesn’t solve all our problems. They tend to follow us into the relationship. As a whole, men are not usually as romantic as the ones in the movies. Even if you meet a romantic man, he isn’t going to be that romantic every day or even every week. Life is messy; even the best relationships have ups and downs. We don’t see this reality in the movies.

Hallmark movies can set us up for the unrealistic expectation that someone else can make us happy. This is simply not true. They can add to our happiness, but ultimately you are in charge of your own happiness. The science of happiness is actually taught and studied at Harvard University, among other places. Too often we think that if certain areas of our lives (relationships being among the major ones) were just in order, we would be happy. The research says the opposite. It is important to realize that we are responsible for our own happiness. After we learn this, then we can start taking steps to improve our lives, which will ultimately improve our relationships.

Some people believe that you have to wait for the perfect relationship in order to be happy. Again, this is simply not true. There is always something to be grateful for you in your life. By focusing on what is right in your life or in your relationships, you start to think happier thoughts, which lead to feeling happier. If your life is not where you want it to be, start small and make some changes while staying focused on what is already good. Small changes practiced consistently will create big changes in your life. So watch the romantic movies, but remember they are just movies and not reality. Don’t let them take away the happiness you are in control of creating in your life.

Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS

http://www.lorianndavis.com

704-999-1781

 

The greatest gift you can give your partner

canstockphoto20897112The holidays can be a great time for families and couples to spend time together. It can be a time to bond and create memories. You may even have more time to spend together and focus on family while off from work. Family dinners, shopping, tree trimming, and parties are all meant to create happy times together and memories for the future. The reality does not always match, though. The holidays can add stress with all the extra things you need to accomplish on top of your already busy lives. Sometimes our expectations can be unrealistic. We have beliefs about what he holidays “should” look like, and that cause even more stress. We can get so busy trying to create that Hallmark commercial holiday that we end up not making time for the things that matter the most, including time for our partner. Holidays can also be a time of year that triggers old wounds which can create feelings of sadness, loss and unfulfilled desires. Family get-togethers might end up causing stress if there are disagreements and tension between family members.

How do we manage the holidays while still feeling a strong connection with our partner? After all, the gift of our time, our attention and our love is the greatest gift you can give.

The most important aspect is managing your expectations. Are yours realistic? Are you expecting the holiday to be too perfect? It is important to stop and look at your thoughts, beliefs and expectations. Be realistic about what you can and cannot do and have. Choose thoughts and actions that ground you instead of adding to your stress. Having a positive mindset will make a big difference in your experience.

Work as a team with your partner. Discuss what you will do for the holidays, and make plans together. Remember that you are a team, and keep it fun. Don’t get so caught up in the process and stuff that you forget what is really important. It is more about the experience than the specifics. The feeling of the holiday is what everyone will remember. Instead of trying to do too much, make sure you are enjoying yourself. Maybe pick one thing that becomes your tradition; this will create a bond. We do this with the whole family, but do you have something special for just you and your partner? Don’t forget about your relationship in all the holiday hustle and bustle.

Holidays can be stressful with all of the extra things that need to be done on top of your normal to do list! Women are the ones who generally get the added list of things to accomplish. I know for me, this can cause enough stress to put me in a place of feeling overwhelmed which can lead to feeling grumpy! I can feel more like the Grinch than Santa at times. I was talking to a very wise friend the other day, and he was very aware of how much extra his wife does during the holiday season. He said he always makes the extra effort to help with more of the household chores during this time of year. He asks her what he can do to help and takes a proactive approach to keeping his relationship a priority during the holiday. Being aware and helpful along with open communication is something we can all do during this busy season. Try to be open to new experiences, find perfection in the small things and keep realistic expectations.

Finally, remember to have fun and maintain the intimacy in your relationship during this busy time of year. The greatest gift we can give our partner is the gift of our time and attention. Don’t forget your relationship and your partner during this holiday season.

Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS

www.lorianndavis.com