Dating can be daunting, especially in the beginning. How you handle yourself can make a difference in whether you get a chance for a relationship or not. You want to have time to get to know the other person to decide if he/she is someone you might be interested in. How many times have you thought this might be “the one” only to not hear back from them after a date or two? What went wrong?
Could it be that you are making one or more of these mistakes?
- Some singles are over guarded when it comes to dating. They might be afraid of repeating past mistakes or afraid of having a bad dating experience. This stops you for sharing enough for the other person to be interested in another date.
- The opposite can happen as well. You share too much information too soon. It is good to keep some mystery so they want to learn more about you. Also keep in mind that some things are just not appropriate to share in the beginning of a relationship.
- Have you ever gone on a date and focused too much on the details? There is a danger in overthinking things on a date. Try to just have fun and get to know a little about the other person. Just because they do not make the best first impression, doesn’t mean they might not be the right one. You might want to give the person another date or two before making a decision.
- Your date feels more like an interview than a social event. Be really careful about dating with a list of qualities you are looking for. If you have read any of my other posts, you have heard me talk about looking for qualities of a relationship and not a specific person. You might just miss a wonderful match by not being open enough in your search.
- Have you ever ended a relationship and realized after there were red flags from early on, but you ignored them? I want you to give him/her enough of a chance while still being aware of those red flags. Never try to force a relationship that doesn’t feel right. Trust your intuition.
- Moving too fast too soon is another mistake some people make. They start planning future events and trips too early in the dating process. Taking things slower is a better idea. Avoid the temptation to become an instant couple.
- Over giving or trying too hard is another dating mistake. You really like him/her and want them to like you back! So you make yourself over available, change your schedule to meet theirs, give up your life and friends, and over give of yourself or your time. It is important to keep your life and activities while you are dating. Make room for someone new, but do not give up your life for them.
- When you are on a date, remember to engage the other person. Be interested in them. Your goal is to find out what you have in common, what you like about them, and what makes them interesting. Leave your date feeling good about the experience, even if they are not the right one for you. Try this approach instead of going on dates looking for what is wrong with the other person.
- Having sex too soon is another mistake. I suggest you wait before having sex until you know more about the other person and have a better idea if they really are someone you see as a potential partner. If you choose to have sex before then, make sure you both agree on what that means to the relationship.
The first few dates can be awkward, and it is difficult to know exactly how to act. Try to be yourself and put your best foot forward to make a good impression. Take things slow, and get to know the other person and let them get to know you. If you have a more casual attitude, it will take some of the pressure off both of you. Have fun with the dating process, enjoy getting to know new people, and you will find that right one for you in time.
If I can help, contact me to schedule a complimentary strategy session.
Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS
Certified Relationship Specialist