“Help, my relationships don’t move forward past the first few dates. I find it hard to even find someone to date.”

canstockphoto0878731This is a common theme with the women I talk to in my coaching practice. It can be frustrating when you are trying to date and you aren’t making any progress. Your self-esteem can be hurt, which makes it harder to get out there and even try. Most singles have a desire to find a partner and create a life with someone special. In order to do that, you have to date. Today’s blog is designed to get you out there so you can find that someone special.

Let’s start with some tips to help you get that first date or second date.

Broaden Your Horizons

You may have to look in different places in order to meet more men or to meet more eligible men. It might finally be time to consider on-line dating, join a new group, or ask your friends for introductions. If you are on-line, it might be time to overhaul your profile or start some conversations with men you might normally not talk to. If you are meeting men, on-line or in person, but no one you are interested in dating; it might be time to get to know some of these men a little better. Are you going out on dates looking for things that are wrong with the men or are you dating looking for commonalities? Sometimes it takes more than one or two dates to really get to know the other person enough to make a decision. It took me four dates before I was sure I wanted to keep dating my husband. I sure am glad I gave him a chance!  Are you giving your dates enough of a chance?

Core Values & Deal Breakers

Be clear on your core relationship values and deal breakers. What are the essential elements of a relationship that you must have in order to be happy? What are your deal breakers? If you have a long list, then it might be time to take a closer look. If you are unsure of what your core relationship values are, it is time to find out. Are you being realistic about your expectations? Never settle when it comes to your core values but it is ok to settle in with someone who is not perfect but could be your perfect match. If you need help in this area, read my blog entitled: Settling vs. Settling In.

Be Brave & Bold

What harm is there in starting a conversation with someone or even going out on a few dates? You might find you are more interested than you even imagined, you might make a new friend, or you might meet Mr. Right. You could even meet Mr. Right while at a social event with the guy you are not sure about! The possibilities are endless so be open to them all. Just the other night at my singles meet up group, two of the members sat down next to each other and took a chance by starting up a conversation. They discovered they had so much in common and left that night very excited about the possibilities they saw in each other. If they had not been brave enough to show up to the event, if they had not been bold enough to sit next to each other and talk, they would not have met.

Don’t Judge Too Quickly

I find that sometimes ladies, you are too quick to judge the guy based on looks, his on-line profile, his job, etc. I know you have standards and I do not want you to lower those but I also want you to refrain from judging too quickly. There might be more to him than you can find out on that first date. The perfect man for you might just be different than you expect.

One scenario I see often is a man contacts you initially but doesn’t respond back quick enough. You then decide he isn’t interested. If he doesn’t respond back ever, he isn’t interested. But remember, men and women are different. Women multi task more often than men. In reality, he might not respond back right away because he is busy and not checking his phone or simply waiting until he is back in communication mode to respond. It has nothing to do with you; he is just being a guy. If he does respond back, give him a chance.  If you notice a pattern of this behavior, then it is time to talk to him or let him go if he isn’t the right one.

Now it is time to get out there, learn your core values and deal breakers, be brave and bold, meet new people, and give them a chance. Those initial quirks or differences could turn into things you love about him. Learn to distinguish what is important and what is really just a small thing. The right man for you might be sitting next to you at the next event or might be the next man you email on Match.com. You never know!

Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS

www.lorianndavis.com

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About Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS

As a certified relationship specialist ,my primary goal is to help empower individuals and couples so they can live richer, fuller, happier lives. I have a masters degree in clinical psychology. I am a certified relationship specialist in Charlotte, NC. I do individual sessions over the phone and teach workshops for couples and singles locally. I am also the host of the "Ask Lori" radio show on www.WGIVCharlotte.com If you are struggling to find happiness in your relationship, or if you would like to attract and keep your ideal partner, I can help. I work with clients who are struggling to find happiness in their relationships. They would like to have better communication and to feel more understood. They would also like to experience more passion in their relationship. I have learned through my education and my own life's journey, what the keys to a successful, unstoppable relationship are. I will motivate you, inspire you, teach you, and coach you every step of the way. These techniques have made such a positive impact on my life and my clients that I can't wait to share them with you.

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