I hear men say that they wish they understood women better, or they don’t even bother trying because women are crazy! I work with men who are just getting out of long term marriages or who have been single for a long time and are trying to figure out what women want. I also work with men who are married and are trying to have a happier, healthier relationship but feel like they just can’t do anything right.
Today I am going to help you understand what women truly want. We are not as complicated as you might think, but I will tell you that it will take effort on your part to please her. Sorry, you are going to have to put forth some time and effort.
- First and foremost, women want love and attention! We want to feel like we are important to you. This takes some effort on your part. It starts at the beginning of dating by pursuing her and continues throughout the whole relationship. Frequently, when women get upset with men, it is because they do not feel like they are a priority. You can show her attention in many different ways. It can be small gifts, planning a date, telling her how you feel, or simply giving her your undivided attention. If you have been together for a while and don’t know what to do, ask her. She will tell you.
- When you are dating, take charge and pursue her. Be the one to reach out and call her. Ask her out and plan the date; it is ok for her to have some say in the planning as long as you are taking the initiative. Women want men to act in the masculine role and take the lead. If you are in a relationship, don’t stop doing this; continue to take the lead!!
- Listen to us. Women are by nature communicators. We love to share and feel emotionally connected in this way. We need to feel heard and understood in relationships. Show concern for what is going on in her life. She will feel bonded to you when you take an interest in her thoughts, concerns, and what is important to her.
- Do something for us. Guys, helping us around the house or taking a burden off our shoulders is really sexy! Even if you are dating, you can find ways to help her out. Again, this is something you need to continue to do without being asked or reminded. Look for small things you can do to be of service to her.
- Be present when you are together. That means staying off your phone when you are together. When you are dating, show up on time for the date, make sure she gets home ok, keep in contact in between dates, and plan the next date in advance. For couples, the same rules apply; be on time for dinner and date nights, make time at the end of the day for her, show her you care, and let her know how important she is to you.
- Intimacy is different for women than it is for men. The important thing to know about women is that intimacy starts in her heart. She needs to feel wanted and beautiful. It takes her longer to become aroused than it does for you. She needs physical contact with you, but make sure you are touching her at times when sex is not the immediate goal, as well as when it is. So, hold her hand, hug her, snuggle, and kiss her often. Have fun with this and flirt, even after you have been in a relationship for a while. Send texts during the day that are playful and sometimes sexy. Let her know how much you love her and want her. If she is upset with you, you really need to say you are sorry first, before you get physical. For women, emotional and physical connection are much more intertwined.
I hope this has given you some ideas on how to please the woman in your life, or how to attract that special woman into your life.
I am always here to help you if you need some extra guidance. Feel free to contact me for a free strategy session.
Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS