canstockphoto6090759Dating can be difficult, but online dating has its challenges and advantages. On average, 33% or more of couples meet online. If you are single, online dating is a viable way of meeting that ideal partner. I know it can be scary and daunting to think about navigating the world of online dating, but it can be done successfully. I myself am an online dating success story. After 28 years of marriage, I became single. I was not interested in the bar scene and was unsure of how to go about meeting someone new. I worked at home, and all of my friends at the time were married. Online dating seemed like the best option. I learned all I could in order to be successful and jumped in with both feet.  I now work with singles every day in my coaching practice, and online dating is one of the tools I use to help them become a successful single.

I have written a previous post, “Dating Profiles 101,” about how to write your profile. Now that you have a dating profile that will get noticed, it is time to get active and start connecting with potential dates. The next step is to learn how to reach out to them; don’t wait for them to find you. It is ok for both men and women to reach out to each other. This post will focus on how to write an email that will get a response.

It is important to reach out to potential dates with emails for a number of reasons. It lets them know you are a real person who has read their profile, it gets their attention, and it starts a conversation. The perfect match for you might not see you if you don’t reach out to them.  Spend a little time daily, if possible, sending out emails. Sometimes, singles make the mistake of being too picky at this stage. It is better to reach out and discover that you do not want to date them than to never connect. Obviously, I do not want you to contact people you know are 100% not right for you. I do encourage you reach out to people who are in the gray area. Remember, they may not have taken a class or read a blog post on how to write a profile, they might look better in person than in their pictures, and you might have a different opinion of them once you get to know more about them. What does it hurt to send a short email?

Always start with a name, even if it is just their user name. The best emails only address one topic. Look for something in their profile that interests you or a topic you have in common. Never send generic emails. The conversation should be personalized. You can say, “I noticed…..” or “I am curious about…” Always use full sentences and check your spelling and grammar before you hit send.  End the email with a question so they have a good reason to respond.  Sign it with your first name so it feels more personal.  Then pick a subject line that will catch their attention.

Try to check your emails daily and respond back within 24 hours to keep the conversation fresh and moving along. Ask another question or two in a follow-up email and share a little more about yourself. You do not want to email back and forth too long or share too much about yourself. The whole point of these emails is to introduce yourself and get their attention so they want to meet you. After a few emails, the next step should be a phone call or a date. Ladies, if he is emailing you back but not asking you out, it is ok to tell him you would like to meet him. He may be unsure of when to ask you out, so let him know you are interested.

Your homework assignment is to finish that dating profile or redo it if it needs some updating. Then start sending out emails. Don’t worry about the ones that do not reply. Just keep moving forward. The right partner is out there waiting for you, but they cannot find you if you are not visible.

If you would like help navigating the online dating world, please reach out and schedule a strategy session with me. I am here to help.

Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS


About Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS

As a certified relationship specialist ,my primary goal is to help empower individuals and couples so they can live richer, fuller, happier lives. I have a masters degree in clinical psychology. I am a certified relationship specialist in Charlotte, NC. I do individual sessions over the phone and teach workshops for couples and singles locally. I am also the host of the "Ask Lori" radio show on If you are struggling to find happiness in your relationship, or if you would like to attract and keep your ideal partner, I can help. I work with clients who are struggling to find happiness in their relationships. They would like to have better communication and to feel more understood. They would also like to experience more passion in their relationship. I have learned through my education and my own life's journey, what the keys to a successful, unstoppable relationship are. I will motivate you, inspire you, teach you, and coach you every step of the way. These techniques have made such a positive impact on my life and my clients that I can't wait to share them with you.

2 responses »

  1. Colin says:

    A very interesting post. I’ll be back to check on it.

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