Love is challenging enough to find and keep without self-defeating behaviors getting your way. Many people I meet are their own worst enemy without even realizing what they are doing. Remember, your thoughts and beliefs create your reality. So, if you are not seeing what you want in your life or in your relationships, I am here to help. You may be sabotaging your chances at love without even realizing it. It is time to uncover, intercept, and replace behaviors so you can find and keep love in your life.
I encourage you to make a list of any negative thoughts or beliefs that you have regarding dating or relationships. Below is a list of negative thoughts that may be plaguing you. Do you recognize any of these?
•The word “always” or “never” is used when you talk about the opposite sex or your experiences with dating or relationships.
•You think all men or all women act a certain way. For example, all men cheat or all women play games.
•You see your friends unhappy in their relationships so you think why even bother. Or your friends are unhappy with their dating experience so you give up hope of finding someone.
•You can’t have success in business or other areas of your life and be in a relationship. You think you have to choose because you cannot have it all.
•You think you have to give up too much to be in a relationship. You have to give up your independence, your friends, your family, or your interests and hobbies.
•You think the relationship will just end so why even bother getting started. This has been your past experience and you do not believe a different outcome is possible. Even if the relationship ends, you will have the experience and will have learned something you can apply to the next one. Relationships are how we learn and grow in life.
•You are looking in the same places and doing the same things while dating hoping for a different outcome. You have a checklist for your mate but can’t find him/her. This checklist might just be why you are still single. You might be missing the perfect person because you are not open to meeting them or getting to know them. Doing the same thing over and over usually does not yield new results.
•You stay in a relationship even though you are not happy or fulfilled hoping it will be different. You might be staying because of fear of change or the unknown. You might not think you can do better. Sometimes people stay because one aspect of the relationship is good, and they are afraid they will not feel that way with someone else. I see this when the chemistry is good between two people, but they do not share the same values and do not want the same things in the relationship. Trust me, you will feel that way with someone else, and you can have a better relationship! Someone else is out there waiting for you. You just have to be ready to find them.
This is only a partial list to get you started, so take some time and start writing down your beliefs and thoughts. Relationships are not easy; they take work and commitment. Finding the right partner is essential in having the relationship you have always wanted and deserve. If you are frustrated with your efforts to find or have love, there is a chance you are sabotaging your efforts without even realizing it.
I am always here to help.
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Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS
Certified Relationship Specialist