ID-10015990-300x300Failures in life and love are inevitable. We all have or will experience them, but the past does not have to define the future. Failures do not have to keep you down or keep you from loving again. What you perceive as a failure might just be a learning experience. You can turn those failures into wins. It is what you do with the so-called failures that are important. Do you shut yourself off and decide that succeeding in love is not possible? Do you develop beliefs about men or women that do not serve you well? I hope your answer is, “Of course not!” Everyone has a past; it means you have lived, experienced and learned. And, learning all you can from those experiences to create the life you want is the key to turning failures into wins.

Sometimes after a relationship failure or loss, you might pull into your shell and cut yourself off from future relationships. This is ok to do for a period of time. It is important to heal from a loss and take time to evaluate what was good and what was not so good about the relationship. This is a great opportunity to learn more about yourself and what you want from a future relationship. It is also an opportunity to look at what you might need to change about yourself in order to attract and keep the right partner. Just make sure that you do not stay in your shell for too long. It takes courage to try again, but it is worth it. Don’t let failure keep you from succeeding in the future.

Sometimes the loss can be the lack of a relationship in your life. I talk to people who have given up on dating because of a bad relationship or the inability to find someone they want to date. Both are opportunities for growth, not a time to give up. Past relationship baggage can cause negative thought patterns that keep you stuck. Any negative beliefs regarding men and women or relationships will repel the right potential partner instead of attracting them. If you have any of these beliefs, hiring a relationship coach might be the answer. Coaches can help you quickly identify past issues and current beliefs that are holding you back. They can give you strategies to make the necessary changes in your life so you can date successfully. Don’t give up, and don’t suffer alone.

Another pitfall you want to avoid is staying in a relationship too long due to fear of failure, fear of the unknown, or fear of change. I have talked to too many miserable people who feel stuck in a relationship that is not right for them, and yet they choose to stay because they are too afraid to leave. It is difficult and emotionally challenging to get over a failed relationship, but staying is not the answer either. Learning from past experiences and taking that knowledge forward allows you to create the relationship you truly want in the future.

I encourage you to make a list of your past relationships. List what worked in those relationships and what didn’t work. Look for any patterns that emerge. This might help you learn more about what you are looking for and what to avoid in future relationships. It will also help you to see if there are any patterns in your thoughts, beliefs, or behaviors that might need to be changed.

Write your comments below, and let me know what you have learned or what I can do to help you create the relationship you deserve!

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For more information, listen to my “Ask Lori” radio show every Thursday at 8:30 pm on , click the “listen now” button.

Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS



About Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS

As a certified relationship specialist ,my primary goal is to help empower individuals and couples so they can live richer, fuller, happier lives. I have a masters degree in clinical psychology. I am a certified relationship specialist in Charlotte, NC. I do individual sessions over the phone and teach workshops for couples and singles locally. I am also the host of the "Ask Lori" radio show on If you are struggling to find happiness in your relationship, or if you would like to attract and keep your ideal partner, I can help. I work with clients who are struggling to find happiness in their relationships. They would like to have better communication and to feel more understood. They would also like to experience more passion in their relationship. I have learned through my education and my own life's journey, what the keys to a successful, unstoppable relationship are. I will motivate you, inspire you, teach you, and coach you every step of the way. These techniques have made such a positive impact on my life and my clients that I can't wait to share them with you.

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