I truly believe that when we fall in love we really do want it to be for life! I think that is most people’s dream. With the current divorce rate at over 50%, it is a dream that most of us do not realize. The good news is that the remarriage rate is also on the rise. That means that people have not given up on the concept of life-long love; it just means that some are finding it the second time around. There are some secrets to falling in love for life, though. The falling in love part is easy, at least for most. It is the staying in love that is more elusive, but I have some secrets to share that might help.
Staying in love takes hard work! There is no way around it. Relationships, even the best ones, have ups and downs. There are times when you are more or less in love with your partner. There needs to be an understanding of this cycle and a commitment to staying in the relationship. This does not mean that you stay in an unhealthy relationship just hoping it will get better. I am talking about healthy relationships that are going through a cycle where things are not as good as they used to be. Knowing this is a natural part of relationships can help you to stay focused on the big picture and stay committed. If there are outside influences affecting your happiness, you may just need to support each other until this passes. Maybe you need to make some small changes to your relationship to get the fires burning again!
Your happiness in and out of the relationship really is a lot about you! You are responsible for your own happiness. I had someone tell me one day that there was a time in her marriage where she felt unfulfilled. The assumption was it was a problem with the marriage until she realized that she was responsible for her own happiness. It really was not about the relationship with her partner; it was more about needing to make some changes in her life to find more fulfillment. One of the best things you can do for your relationship to keep it going for life is to stay passionate about life! You then bring that energy into the relationship.
You cannot take your relationship for granted! Relationships that are put on auto pilot do not grow and develop nor withstand the test of time. We do not stay the same as we do through life. We grow and change, and so must of our relationships. We have to continually reinvent our relationship as our life changes. We might start out just two people and then add children to the mix. That requires changes, but we need to keep the relationship a priority as our lives change. Remembering to grow independently and interdependently is essential for a lifelong love affair. Exploring new things together and growing in your relationship is important. Revaluating your relationship periodically is a great idea. Where are you in life and in your love life? What changes do you need to make in order to keep the relationship a priority and to keep the love and passion alive?
Watch for more secrets in my weekly blog posts and my upcoming book,Unmasking Secrets to Unstoppable Relationships (summer 2015).
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For more information, listen to my “Ask Lori” radio show every Thursday at 8:30 pm on www.WGIVCharlotte.com/ask-lori.html , click the “listen now” button.
Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS
Certified Relationship Specialist, Radio Host
Certified Relationship Specialist and Radio Host