The statement, “Change your beliefs, change your life,” is on the front page of my website, and it is there for a reason. Your thoughts create your beliefs, and your beliefs create your reality. This means that your thoughts determine your emotions and ultimately, your happiness. Now I know it is easier to be happy when all the aspects of our lives are going well. When it comes to relationships, it seems like we are upset because of what our partner just said or did, or maybe didn’t do! What is really upsetting us is our thoughts about the event. You can’t always change what is happening in your life, and you definitely cannot control the people in your life. However, you can control how you think and feel about what is happening which will affect your life dramatically. Your thoughts affect your feelings which in turn affects your actions.  Can you see why this concept is so important in relationships?

We have talked before about how your past can affect your current relationship (see my previous post titled, “Are Unresolved Past Issues Affecting Your Current Relationship”). We all develop beliefs about relationships based on what we learn from our family of origin and even past relationships. These beliefs affect how we feel and act in our current relationships. Sometimes we need to bring these beliefs to the surface and take a look at them. Consider those beliefs that are no longer serving you well and let go of them.  Make the choice to act differently. This is never easy in the beginning because we act on these beliefs without thinking. It is just automatic. It really does take time and effort to change our beliefs and thoughts, but it is well worth it. We must learn to become an observer of our thoughts and choose how we feel before we act.

If you are single, what thoughts do you have about finding a partner? Are you excited and positive about dating? Or, do you think there are no good men/women left? These beliefs and your attitude will come across to others in the dating process. Your beliefs will either attract or repel potential partners. If you are consistently attracting the wrong kind of person, you might want to look at your thoughts and see if they are contributing to who you are attracting and who you are repelling. If you are in a relationship, what are your thoughts about marriage in general? What are your predominate thoughts about your partner? Are you focusing on all the things you love about them or the things you don’t like? What you focus on is what you will notice, and this will affect your feelings toward them. I know this sounds simple, but I find few people really do this, and it is the first step to attracting or renewing love and passion in your life.

We often think if we just had the right partner or if our partner acted differently, we would be happy, but research actually says the opposite. We need to start with happiness and the rest will follow. We are in charge of our happiness not our partner. What do you need to add or take away from your life to be happier? What thoughts or beliefs do you need to change so you can focus on the good in your life and in your partner? What you give attention to will increase. On my “Ask Lori” radio show, I talk about helping you have more love and passion in your weekend. This is one way to start that process. When you focus on the positives, you feel more attracted to your partner, and are you are more interested in passion. When you have more passion and intimacy in your relationship, you are happier with your partner, and the rest of your life for that matter. So, what do you have to lose? Nothing, but you have everything to gain!  What thoughts do you have that are not serving you well, and how can you change them starting today.

For more ideas be sure to tune in every Thursday at 8:30pm to to listen to my Ask Lori radio show, and be sure to follow my blog with weekly posts. I am here to help you create Unstoppable Relationships. You can always contact me at 704-999-1781 for a free strategy session.

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Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS

Certified Relationship Specialist

Radio host, “Ask Lori” show on



About Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS

As a certified relationship specialist ,my primary goal is to help empower individuals and couples so they can live richer, fuller, happier lives. I have a masters degree in clinical psychology. I am a certified relationship specialist in Charlotte, NC. I do individual sessions over the phone and teach workshops for couples and singles locally. I am also the host of the "Ask Lori" radio show on If you are struggling to find happiness in your relationship, or if you would like to attract and keep your ideal partner, I can help. I work with clients who are struggling to find happiness in their relationships. They would like to have better communication and to feel more understood. They would also like to experience more passion in their relationship. I have learned through my education and my own life's journey, what the keys to a successful, unstoppable relationship are. I will motivate you, inspire you, teach you, and coach you every step of the way. These techniques have made such a positive impact on my life and my clients that I can't wait to share them with you.

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