Relationships are fragile, especially in the beginning. First impressions are important and so are second and third impressions. How you handle yourself can make a difference in whether the relationship has a chance or not. You want to have time to get to know the other person to decide if he/she is someone you might be interested in. How many times have you thought this might be “the one” only to not hear back from them after a date or two? Even worse, you have a few dates, but then the communication stops and you are left wondering what happened. What went wrong?

Here is a list of ten things you don’t want to do in the beginning of a relationship.

1. Your “list” of what you are looking for keeps you from getting to know the person. Be really careful about dating with a list of qualities you are looking for. If you have read any of my other posts, you have heard me talk about looking for qualities of a relationship and not a specific person. You might just miss a wonderful match by not being open enough in your search. What you think you want might not really be what you want.

2. You try too hard to impress the other person so they do not see the real you.

3. You are a passive observer on the date, checking them out to see if they match your list so you don’t really share who you are. They do not get the chance to learn enough about you to be interested in another date.

4. The opposite happens sometimes and you try too hard and end up over sharing. It is good to keep some mystery so they want to learn more about you. Also keep in mind that some things are just not appropriate to share in the beginning of a relationship.

5. Moving too fast too soon is another mistake some people make. They start planning future events and trips too early on in the dating process. I have known people to plan weekend getaways after a first or second date. Taking things slower is a better idea.

6. Talking about a future or asking too many questions about future goals too soon is also a mistake. Yes, you do want to learn about the other person so you can decide if they are dating material, but be careful how you do this. Don’t make it sound like an interview.

7. Having sex too soon with expectations is another mistake. I suggest you wait before having sex until you know more about the other person and have a better idea if they really are someone you see as a potential partner. If you choose to have sex before then, make sure you both agree on what that means to the relationship.

8. Dropping everything to hang out with this new person is also a mistake. It is important to keep your life and activities while you are dating. Make room for someone new, but do not give up your life for them.

9. Becoming too possessive is another big mistake I see singles making. They have unrealistic expectations and become angry when the other person does not meet them.

10. Finally, if you are a female, let the guy do the pursuing. Do not take on the masculine role of organizing the dates and chasing after him. If you are a guy, be the pursuer, and let her know you are interested.

The first few dates can be awkward, and it is difficult to know exactly how to act. Try to be yourself and put your best foot forward to make a good impression. Take things slow, and get to know the other person and let them get to know you. If you have a more casual attitude, it will take some of the pressure off both of you. Have fun with the dating process, enjoy getting to know new people, and you will find that right one for you in time.

What other questions do you have? What other topics would you like to see me cover? Send me a comment and let me know.
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For more information, listen to my “Ask Lori” radio show every Thursday at 8:30 pm on, click the “listen now” button.

Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS
Certified Relationship Specialist
Radio Host


About Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS

As a certified relationship specialist ,my primary goal is to help empower individuals and couples so they can live richer, fuller, happier lives. I have a masters degree in clinical psychology. I am a certified relationship specialist in Charlotte, NC. I do individual sessions over the phone and teach workshops for couples and singles locally. I am also the host of the "Ask Lori" radio show on If you are struggling to find happiness in your relationship, or if you would like to attract and keep your ideal partner, I can help. I work with clients who are struggling to find happiness in their relationships. They would like to have better communication and to feel more understood. They would also like to experience more passion in their relationship. I have learned through my education and my own life's journey, what the keys to a successful, unstoppable relationship are. I will motivate you, inspire you, teach you, and coach you every step of the way. These techniques have made such a positive impact on my life and my clients that I can't wait to share them with you.

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