Are you dating a guy and the relationship seems to have lots of potential, but he isn’t ready to commit? Maybe he isn’t sure yet, or he needs more time to decide. Have you been a relationship for a while, 4 to 6 months maybe, and don’t know where you stand? Are you afraid he isn’t the “type” to commit or wondering if it is the right time to ask where you stand in the relationship? These are the questions I have been asked lately. So, let’s talk about how long do you wait, and how do you get him to commit to the relationship.
I always suggest that you are upfront in the beginning of the relationship with your expectations. Are you looking for a long term relationship or marriage? Then it is important to communicate that expectation from the beginning. Let him know you are looking for an exclusive relationship with the right person. Now I am not suggesting that you rush the relationship or put pressure on him, but just an honest conversation. This way there are no misunderstandings of intentions.
I also suggest that periodically you evaluate the progress of the relationship and have a discussion about where you stand. Do you both feel like things are going well and you have enough in common to keep dating? Check in and make sure you are on the same page. If you do this early on and then periodically, it makes it easier. This can be a very casual discussion with no expectations of a future, but you will both know where you stand. During these conversations, you can also ask when the other person feels it would be appropriate to date exclusively.
Remember you are the chooser, so be confident in yourself and what you deserve. This confidence will be attractive to him, and if he is interested in keeping you, he will pursue. He wants to win you if he knows there is a chance he will lose you. Don’t try to convince him that you are a good couple. This never works. It is better to show him what life with you would be like. Be happy and stay involved with your own life so that he wants to be part of that life.
In order for him to want to commit to you, he has to see you as girlfriend/wife potential. He needs to be convinced that he will be happy with you; therefore, your actions must match your words in the relationship. It is important to be authentic and genuine. Be the best person you can be. You might want to read my post entitled “What a Man Really Wants” for more on this topic.
Listen to him and believe him. If he says he isn’t interested in a committed relationship, he probably isn’t. Look for any issues he might have with commitment in past relationships. Look to see if his actions are ones that include you in his life. Make sure to continue to live your life and not give up your activities and friends as soon as you start dating. You will become too dependent on him and might be tempted to stick around longer than you should.
Set a time limit for yourself and stick to it! If the relationship isn’t moving in the right direction, move on. You can let him know that he has the right to make his own choice and any choice is ok, but in order for you to continue dating him, things need to move forward. Be respectful of him, but remember if he isn’t’ the one, don’t spend any more time waiting for him to change. Mr. Right is out there waiting; you just have to find him!
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Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS
Certified Relationship Specialist
Radio host, “Ask Lori” show on WGIVCharlotte.com