Do you find the wrong guys irresistible? Do you keep attracting the unavailable guys, the players, the narcissists? The question I have heard the most this week is, “Why do I keep attracting similar partners, and how do I break this pattern?” This post will address how to stop attracting Mr. Wrong and find Mr. Right.
First, let’s talk about why you might be attracting the wrong guys. If they remind you of an ex, it could be that there is a level of comfort in the familiar. There might be something about that type of guy that you like. There are qualities that initially attract you. You could have some beliefs about men or relationships that are keeping you stuck. There may be some unresolved issues that need to be identified and released before you can move forward and find Mr. Right.
The first step is knowing what you don’t want. Make a list of the relationships you have had and the qualities you disliked in each of these men. You are looking for commonalities here. What patterns emerge for you? This is the first step in breaking the cycle. Once you have identified these patterns, you may recognize them from childhood relationships. There may be some unresolved, childhood issues that need to be addressed. You may want to seek the help of a counselor or a coach to help you release these patterns.
Next, you need to know what it is you DO want. Make a list of these qualities as well. Picture your ideal relationship; what would that look and feel like? This is the vision I want you to hold on to. This is where you are headed and will not settle for anything less. You will need to get good at sorting potential partners and focus on looking for the traits you want! Take your time and ask questions in order to get to know a potential partner. If you start to see a pattern of the traits you don’t like, be prepared to end the relationship and move on.
Confidence and self-esteem are very important in finding Mr. Right. The wrong guys can sense your unconscious beliefs of not being good enough or deserving, and they will be attracted to you. When you know what you want and truly believe that you deserve only the best and believe you can find that relationship, the wrong guys will not be attracted to you. So, it is time to take control of your life and create one that you love! Then you will be ready to add a quality guy to that life.
Remember, you are the chooser. When you are clear about what you are looking for, you will settle for nothing less. You are not waiting for a guy to choose you. You are the one who decides, and you will only choose Mr. Right. Be careful not to fall for the “chemistry trap.” It is important to balance your heart with your head in dating. Just because there is great chemistry and you see potential in him, does not mean he is a good choice. You need to balance this chemical reaction with sound judgment. You may need to enlist the help of a friend or even a relationship coach to do this. A coach can help you navigate the dating maze and will be there to point out red flags while helping you to find Mr. Right.
Finally, go out and try something new. Maybe it is time to look for potential partners in a different place or in a different way. Try new places, new groups or rewrite your online profile. Be open to dating someone you might not normally be attracted to, and take some time to get to know different kinds of people to see if an attraction develops. Remember, you are looking for those positive qualities in a person. Take a chance and broaden your horizons in your search for Mr. Right. Now that you know what you don’t want and what you do want, go out with a positive attitude and confidence and have fun meeting new people until you find the Right One.
You might also want to read my previous post titled, “Finding your Prince Without Kissing too Many Frogs!”
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Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS
Certified Relationship Specialist
Radio host, “Ask Lori” show on WGIVCharlotte.com/ask-lori