Do you want to be part of a loving passionate relationship but something is holding you back? Sometimes what is stopping you from finding “the one” is a past relationship. Are you still comparing everyone you date to a past partner? Did a past relationship leave you with beliefs about men or women that are not positive? How often do you find yourself thinking of an ex?
Past relationships and breakups can leave you with negative feelings and beliefs that need to be addressed before you can move forward. Sometimes what is getting in the way is a longing for that past relationship. If you are stuck in the past, you can’t move forward. So let’s talk about getting over the past and getting ready for the love that is waiting for you!
Frequently what people need is a new perspective. Remember thoughts become beliefs and this affects how you feel. As painful as a break up can be, it is also an opportunity for growth. Take some time to write down what did work in that relationship and what you liked about that partner. You can use that to learn what qualities you appreciate in a partner. Just as important, though, is to write down what didn’t work. You do not want to make the same mistakes again. Be careful not to just focus on the flaws of your ex. You really want to look at your contribution as well. Make a list that includes your part and theirs in the breakup. You want to learn what you need in a relationship that this past relationship did not provide. You also want to look at your part so you can begin to grow and be ready for a better relationship the next time around. Do you see any patterns in your past relationships that you might need help breaking before you repeat them again?
Attitude plays a key role in getting over the past. It is important to accept what happened and look at how that person fit into your life at the time. The relationship served a purpose in your life, if only to teach you more about what you do not want. Not every relationship is meant to last forever. Some people are in our lives for a reason or a season, and accepting that is an important part of moving on. This is a new season of your life, full of potential, if you allow it to be.
Remember, there is not just one person out there for you. I do not believe that everyone has one soul mate and that is it. I believe that there are people who are right for us at certain times in our life, and there is someone who is right for you now. I also believe that there is more than one right person out there waiting for you. In the Conscious Dating program, I teach people how to recognize what the core values or requirements are for them in a relationship. We talk about looking for those requirements in a relationship as opposed to a specific person. This opens you up to meeting someone who might look a little different from what you thought you were looking for. Sometimes the perfect partner is right there if you are only open to seeing them.
So, be willing to move forward; get some help doing this if you are struggling. Don’t expect the next relationship to be like the last one; rather, be willing to open yourself up for a new adventure. Move on with excitement and take steps daily toward meeting “the one.” Enjoy the journey!
Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS
Certified Relationship Specialist
“Ask Lori” Show Thursdays 8:30pm
Unmasking Secrets to Unstoppable Relationships