Are you frustrated with dating and not finding “the one”?
Approximately 46% of the adult population is single, and since 85% eventually marry, it is clear that most people prefer to be in a long-term relationship. Most people have a desire to be in a loving, passionate relationship with someone they can share their lives with. Feeling loved and being connected is a core need for humans. So, how do we navigate the dating world and find that special person?
There are some secrets to dating successfully. Most singles go out looking for a partner with a vague idea of what they want in a relationship and whom they hope to meet. This is like heading out on a trip without a map and hoping you get there. Chances are you will end up someplace you didn’t want to go or just drive around, lost indefinitely. This is why so many singles are frustrated with dating. You need a road map for dating just as you do for going on a trip.
The road map for dating consists of knowing what you are looking for before you start to date. Most people have a shopping list of the characteristics of the person they are looking for. I suggest that you tear up that list. One of the secrets to dating successfully is to know what core values or requirements you are looking for in a relationship. The “must haves” in a relationship will only be a list of about 5 things that, without those, you would not be happy. You are looking for a relationship not a specific person. You are looking for someone who has the same vision in life as you and the same core values. For example, if you want to get married and have children, why waste time with someone who does not want those same things.
There is a saying that while you are busy looking for the perfect person, the imperfect person who could make you perfectly happy just got away. We narrow down who we are looking for too frequently and miss out on someone who has all the core values to create the relationship that would be perfect for us. I have heard lots of people say that their ideal partner ended up being someone they never thought they would end up with. So, I encourage you to spend some time looking at and writing down your core requirements in a relationship. It will be your road map for evaluating potential partners.
The next key is to be the best person you can be. Your words and actions must match, and you need to be the kind of person who will attract what you are looking for. It is important to have a strong sense of what you have to offer in a relationship and to be self-confident. This is very attractive to potential partners. Be your own observer to your behavior. Are you acting and living in a way that will attract your ideal partner? What changes do you need to make in your life to be the best partner you can be? This will cause you to think before you act in situations and be able to handle things in a more positive way than you might otherwise. We all have areas we can improve on.
The last key we will talk about today is to live in the present. Each moment is a new beginning. If you have negative beliefs about relationships or are holding onto past resentments or guilt, you will not be successful in attracting the kind of partner you want. It is important to leave the past in the past. It is ok to look at past events to learn from them, but be careful not to hold on to the past. This can cause you to repeat the same mistakes in the future.
Each day is a new opportunity to learn and grow and show up as the best person you can be. Take this wonderful “you” out into the world and get to know other wonderful people until you meet the one who is perfect for you!
Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS
Certified Relationship Specialist