A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog post titled, “Find Your Prince Without Kissing Too Many Frogs.” This was intended to help women identify the men they want to date and the ones they do not. So, I thought it was only fair to write one for the guys!
I hear men say that there are no good women out there to date, and that is not true. There are wonderful quality women to date! It is a matter of knowing what you want and learning how to identify the ones you want to spend time getting to know. So let’s dive right in and talk about the women you want to avoid so you can identify them as quickly as possible.
This one may not be too difficult to identify. She is the one who is very needy and needs lots of attention and reassurance. Now all women like attention and want to know that you are interested in them and find them attractive. If you have read previous posts I have written, you might have read that all women have a fundamental insecurity about their guy. This is natural, and we do need reassurance. This should be a small part of a relationship, though, and it should not feel clingy. You can identify this woman because she will contact you often and want to know what you are doing without giving you space. It will feel like too much too soon. You want to date a woman who is secure in herself and secure in what she has to offer the relationship and you. So guys, let a woman know often that you are interested, but if she seems insecure about herself or is acting clingy, this is a sign that she may not be right for you.
- Controlling/ angry
This is one you definitely do not want to give too much time and attention to. She has beliefs about men that keep her from really liking men. She will get angry easily, and you will wonder what you did wrong. She may break up with you often and then come back only to get angry again later on and repeat the cycle. She will tell you all the things you do wrong and want you to change. You want a woman who loves you for who you are and not who she wants you to become. You are looking for someone who appreciates what you do, not someone who points out all the things you do wrong.
- Miss Drama
Men do not like drama! So you are not going to be happy long term with a woman who is into lots of drama. You want to notice the stories she tells. Does she spend a great deal of time talking about problems she has with other people? Does she always seem to be upset with others, and does she hold on to those feelings for a long time? You are looking for a pattern in her life of upheaval and drama. We all have problems and can get upset, but in this case, this type of woman will hold on to those situations. It may be that they thrive on the drama, and it could become a problem in your relationship.
This woman might look good at first, but underneath she has been hurt in the past by relationships and has not healed from this yet. She may not be over a past boyfriend or husband and is still holding onto the hurt and is afraid of getting close to someone again. She might be a great partner once she has addressed these issues, but not now. You will never make it past the friend stage, and the relationship will not grow and develop with this woman, at least not at this time. It is not your job to fix her life, so be careful not to get caught in the trap of trying to rescue her.
This is another woman who will look great in the beginning. She will seem all put together and will do a great job of attracting men. She is out to have a good time and is skilled at flirting and making you feel good. The problem is she is not looking for a long term committed or maybe even monogamous relationship. She might be a good choice to date if you are only looking to have fun but not if you want a serious relationship. Here is where you need to ask some questions about her past relationships and how long they lasted and what she wants for the future in a relationship.
This woman is looking for prince charming. She has the belief that once she finds the right guy, all will be good in her life. She is looking for the relationship to fix problems in her life. This can also be the woman who is what I call “the elitist.” She thinks she deserves to be treated like a princess but doesn’t think she needs to return the favor. The relationship will feel one sided. Be careful here, as well, not to fall into the trap of trying to rescue someone or be the one who always does the giving.
- Quality woman
This is the woman you want to get to know and spend time with. She is confident in herself and what she has to offer a relationship. She knows what she wants in a relationship and will not settle for less. She is choosy about who she spends time with and expects you to be the same way. She will not be interested in drama or games but will want to genuinely spend time getting to know you. She will allow the relationship time to progress at a slower pace. Her words and actions will match. You will have the same relationship goals. You will feel comfortable with her and enjoy your time together. There will be more than just a chemical attraction. You will feel a heart attraction. This comes from being able to be yourself and to feel safe, accepted and appreciated.
Now that you know what you are looking for and what to avoid, have fun meeting new women and enjoy the process of finding the one that is perfect for you!
Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS