I am a big fan of the book The Slight Edge, by Jeff Olson. I highly recommend getting it and reading it over and over again. You will pick up new pieces of information each time you do. Today, I want to talk about how the slight edge can be applied to improving your relationships. You do not have to have read the book or even be in a relationship yet to benefit from this.
The premise of the book is that taking small steps consistently is the key to success. So how does this apply to relationships? Well, I am going to give you my interpretation of how to use the slight edge to attract your soul mate or enhance your existing relationship. I am going to give you some easy steps to take. It really is about the small things you do on a daily basis that will create success.
The most important element in using the slight edge is your perspective, or the way you look at the relationship or your journey toward a relationship if you are single. I talked about this in more detail in my blog, Four Keys to an Unstoppable Relationship. It is essential for you to change the way you look at relationships. If you are focusing on all the things you do not like about your partner, you will notice those more often, and it will change the way you feel about the other person. You will become more frustrated, critical, and unhappy in the relationship. The same is true if you are dating. If you focus on the partner who has not showed up yet and all the “horror” dating stories, you will become cynical and end up pushing the ones away that you really want to attract.
Now you might be thinking, I know that or this is nothing new. You are right; it isn’t anything new and yet it is, in my opinion, the most important first step that so many people are missing. It sounds so simple, yet we find it difficult to do on a consistent basis.
Albert Schweitzer once said, “Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success.” The Science of Happiness is actually taught and studied at Harvard University, among other places. Too often we think that if certain areas of our life, relationships being one of the major ones, were just in order, we would be happy. When we find that right partner, everything will be great. If our partner would just be more attentive, we would be happy. The research actually says the opposite. We need to start with the happiness in order to attract that right partner or to have the relationship we want.
If you are in a relationship, I suggest you start creating positive moments for yourself and your partner. Daily, take the time to write down three things you like about your partner or things he/she did that you liked. Try to come up with different ones each day, don’t just repeat the same ones. This will start to train your mind to focus on the positive, and your emotions will follow suit. It will become a habit to notice all the good about the other person. I would suggest that you pick at least one of those things each day to share with your partner. Let them know what you like about them and what they have done that you appreciate.
If you are single, you can do this same exercise. I want you to write down daily three things you like or noticed about other people. Now this can be the date you had that day or just people at work or at the grocery store. The idea is to start a list of things you like and appreciate in others. So, instead of focusing on what you didn’t like about the date, even if it was a rotten one, focus on what you liked or learned from the experience. It is about making the journey a positive one.
Ladies, men fall in love and stay in love based on how they feel when they are with you. So, let’s focus on being positive and pleasant to be around. It really is about the small things. The small caring gestures, the heartfelt smile, the random act of kindness, or showing interest in their day. Take an active interest in your partner or date and see what happens.
These are just the tip of the iceberg, and I know you can think of many more examples. It is really quite simple. Having a positive attitude and doing simple, everyday things on a daily basis will improve your relationships.
Write comments below with other ideas or suggestions. I would love to hear your ideas!
Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS