Men and women are different! We know this, yet we still get frustrated with each other and angry with our partner because they do not act like we expect or want them to. We may be frustrated because we can’t figure out what to do to make them happy, and we don’t understand what we are doing wrong. Women tend to feel unloved when this happens, and men feel disrespected. It is important to realize that men and women need different things in a relationship. Ladies, don’t treat your guy like a girl or expect him to act like one, and guys, don’t expect your lady to act like you! The differences between men and women are what create the attraction and the passion in relationships.
The key is to understand each other and learn to appreciate and cherish the differences in order to have a happier relationship. It is important that we break the cycle of blame and stop trying to find fault with our partner. Remember we are a team. We want to appreciate instead of criticize.
The most important thing for a women in a relationship is to feel unconditional love. She needs to feel like she is a priority and that the relationship comes before anything else. She wants loyalty and needs to feel safe and be able to trust her guy. She wants to know that he finds her beautiful and is attracted to her and proud of her. Women need this assurance frequently. Guys, be sure to tell her how much you care often! Remember all the things you did to show her how special she was when you were dating? Don’t stop doing those things. It is ok to ask her what makes her feel loved. What makes you feel loved and what makes her feel loved might be different; so you want show her love in a way she prefers.
Another important aspect for women is to feel like they are heard in the relationship. Women have a strong need to gather and talk about things in their lives. So they need to feel this connection with their partner and to feel like he is hearing them and cares. The difference here is that a guy’s natural reaction will be to try to fix things for her and really all she wants is for him to listen.
For men, the most important aspect of a relationship is to feel unconditional respect. This is more important than feeling loved. They assume you love them but, frequently, do not feel like they are respected. This is something a lot of women do not know, and it is essential to creating an Unstoppable Relationship. Guys really do want to please their ladies. Ladies, you need to let them do so! It is essential to give men words of affirmation and praise often. Men are not mind readers, so I encourage women to be specific and tell their guy what they want, not what you don’t want. Men lose interest and pull away from the relationship when they feel they can’t do anything right. Men get their feelings hurt, and it takes them longer to recover than we realize when women criticize or put them down. They are better at covering it up than women are, but it will deteriorate the relationship.
Men also communicate different than women. They are much more goal oriented, and their communication is shorter. They do not need to discuss feelings as much. They tend to focus on problem solving. After a discussion, it is important for them to have some quiet time and to do nothing. Women misread this as disinterest sometimes and do not give them the down time they need.
Remember, the differences in men and women are what make the sparks fly! But, it is important to understand them and use them positively when we relate to each other. Keep in mind that you and your partner are working as a team, and learning about our differences will help in the other areas essential to making your relationship last. Once you understand those differences, it will make communicating with each other much easier, and you will have that unstoppable relationship you desire!
Visit me next week for my last installment in “Keys to a Successful Relationship,” intimacy!
Lori Ann Davis, MA
Certified Relationship Specialist