The Real Reason Men Disappear


Why do men disappear with no explanation after what you thought was a really great date or maybe even a few great dates? This is a question I here frequently. Unfortunately, it is a pretty common occurrence and chances are if you are dating, this has or will happen to you. It is very confusing and frustrating to most women.

You thought the date went great and you went home still living on cloud nine ready to take yourself off the dating sites and tell all your friends that you may just have met “the one.”  Then you don’t hear from him again, and all of your attempts to contact him fail. You find yourself confused, angry, questioning everything you did and wondering where you went wrong.  Sound familiar?

One of the main reasons this happens is because you might be confusing chemistry with love. It could be that he really did have a good time with you on one or more dates, and you thought that meant a relationship was starting. This goes back to the differences between men and women and how they think! It may not be the start of relationship after all. He might have just been looking to have fun, and one or a few dates were really all he wanted with any one woman, no matter what he said! Some people, men and women alike, are addicted to the “high” they get on those first few dates and when that starts to wear off, they move on.

I had a client recently tell me about a guy she met out at an event one night and they really hit it off. They spent the whole evening talking, dancing and even had some great kissing in the parking lot after. She thought for sure this had potential. She never heard from him again. In this case, he was probably only looking for a good time that evening, and they both had that. The problem is, she was expecting more.

Sometimes it can be that a guy is talking to and meeting a few women at a time, and he may have liked you, but he may have met someone else that he liked better.  After a few good dates, it could be that he enjoyed your company but just didn’t see a future in the relationship with you. It is important not to take this personally. Yes, it would be nice of him to call and let you know. Unfortunately, that does not seem to be the way things are done more often than not. Not calling is now a way of saying you aren’t interested.

Every now and then, something does come up in life, and he may have got caught up in a personal issue or something at work. If too much time passed, he might have been embarrassed to call and ask for a second date.

The bottom line here is that if he disappears like this, count your blessings that you found out sooner than later because chances are he isn’t boyfriend material. I know it is hard to not wonder what you did wrong. I encourage you not to take it personally and not to let this erode your self-confidence.

It is important to NOT continue to email, text, or call in order to track him down for an explanation! This is a waste of your time and energy. If something legitimate did come up and he plans on reaching out later, this will cause him to change his mind. So resist the temptation to reach out more than once or to try various methods to re-engage him.

So how can you avoid this situation while you are dating? If this is something you have experienced more than once, perhaps you are having a difficult time identifying who is boyfriend material and who isn’t. For more help on this, please read my previous post or listen to my radio interview on my YOU Tube channel, Lori Ann Davis,titled, Find Your Prince Without Kissing Too Many Frogs.


Another problem may be that you are inadvertently chasing off the guys that could be perfect for you.  Below are a few suggestions to help you avoid this cycle.  

  • Take things slower. Don’t push too much or go to fast. You might scare him off.

  • Be honest in your online profile if you have one. Make sure he knows who he is meeting. He might be polite on the first date, but you are not likely to get a second if you are different than you advertise.

  • Date more than one guy at a time when you are in the initial dating stage. That way if one disappears, it really doesn’t matter as much because you haven’t invested much time and energy into any one guy.

  • Let him do the pursuing and the planning of dates. Again, you don’t want to scare him off, and this is a great way to get to know more about him on those first dates.

  • Keep your dates drama free!  Resist the urge to share too much or to tell him all about your past relationship problems.

  • Have fun! Don’t take it too seriously. Be fun loving, light-hearted and feminine. Allow him to be attracted to you and want to call again and again.

  • You might also want to wait before having sex too soon, or at least communicate your expectations of what this means to you in a relationship and make sure you are both on the same page.

One important thing to remember is that dating should be fun!  We all want to find that special person to share our lives with, but good things take time.  Relax and be yourself, and you will find that special guy!


For more information on this topic read my blog, What to do Before Your Next Date, or listen on You Tube.




About Lori Ann Davis, MA, CRS

As a certified relationship specialist ,my primary goal is to help empower individuals and couples so they can live richer, fuller, happier lives. I have a masters degree in clinical psychology. I am a certified relationship specialist in Charlotte, NC. I do individual sessions over the phone and teach workshops for couples and singles locally. I am also the host of the "Ask Lori" radio show on www.WGIVCharlotte.com If you are struggling to find happiness in your relationship, or if you would like to attract and keep your ideal partner, I can help. I work with clients who are struggling to find happiness in their relationships. They would like to have better communication and to feel more understood. They would also like to experience more passion in their relationship. I have learned through my education and my own life's journey, what the keys to a successful, unstoppable relationship are. I will motivate you, inspire you, teach you, and coach you every step of the way. These techniques have made such a positive impact on my life and my clients that I can't wait to share them with you.

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